Friday, November 2, 2012

This Guy!!!

Getting myself too caught up when it comes to him. Trying to define our relationship war is tiring. I love him, but he'll never know that. Just because.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Its Your Choice

Yellow my fellow readers I've missed you all. How was your summers and how are you planning for the end of the school year? Some of you might ask what I mean by the end, so I'm just going to say, especially to you seniors out there, don't wait for that last day to decide on what you want to do. When you have the choice to sit around or dance I hope you dance. Make us proud, fulfill your dreams, and conquer all your fears. Make your choice to stand or fall.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Dear Ma,

I was thinking about you last night. I cried, then used my shirt as a tissue. I almost cried in front of Dad but I didn't feel like talking about it so I held it in. While trying to sniffle the tears back up, my fake smile just made me feel worse so I let it out. Now don't get me wrong I was still fighting it...but I lost! I thought about you at Teen Haven also, had a misty moment there too. I don't like crying Mama, but I don't like talking either. So I guess I'm stuck for now. But in the end all I'm really trying to say is, " I love you Mama and I really really miss you"!
                     Your Daughter,
P.S. I'm always praying for you. <3

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Dear God,

Yesterday, August 17,2012, I came home (from Teen Haven) to the open arms of a father happy to reunite with his child. I talked about my week and shared pictures that my new friends and I took. My excited smile must have lifted his spirit for a second. Then as the seconds passed my smile continued to faint away. Trying to stay away from being stressed out I look back on my week and turn the Phillies Game on but unfortunately they were losing, which just made me feel worse. In the middle of all this, I tried to tell my dad what was going on in my head. Scared to hurt his feeling, I fail at this process. Trying to tell an occasional single parent that I would LOVE to move in with my aunt for the school year is something someone like me would never say, unless they snapped. And I am very close to that point! Awhile ago I noticed that I had a HUGE number of, tiny but long, scratches and cuts all over my back To me these scars resembled the cuts and scraps on my heart. Which is, because of you, slowly but surely trying to heal. So I Thank You!
                                                                                    Sincerely Your Child,

Thursday, August 2, 2012

My Relaxed Moments!!!

In my family I'm known for watching ALL my little cousins. Whether its all 6 of them or 1 or 2 at a time, its what I love to do! But I only get to see them if they are dropped of at my grandma's or if my cousins comes up from Florida and brings them over. These kids bring something to my life that's unsustainable, I love these kids even when I want to beat them! They're mine and always will be :). here are some of my little people:

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The End Of April 2011!

In 2011 I was proud to announce that I would be graduating from 8Th grade that June. The dance was coming up and graduation was making me very excited! Everything I did was rushed homework,chores, anything you think of, so that I felt that June was coming quicker and quicker everyday! But April 21st my days grew slower! I am one to rush things in the mornings so that things will get done, but that day rushing was everything BUT helpful.
 While I start to iron my clothes (on my bed) to go to school, I sit the iron on my desk and put my pants in between my legs. When I put my left leg on the ground it ends up bumping into the iron cord, which led to the HOT iron landing in the middle of my right thigh! Instead of getting the iron off immediately I stare at it-in shock, while trying to figure out why the iron was on my leg, and how it got there. Of course during these seconds of thinking the iron's heat was scorching my flesh. So when I finally do get the iron off, the shape of the iron is printed on my leg. All the while my sister is staring at me, she asks if I was fine while probably  trying to figure out why wasn't I crying. Skipping like 30 minutes into my already exciting morning, my dad sends me to school anyway with a cane, and a cookie sheet covering the burn.
 When I get to school the Principal sends me right to the nurse who calls my dad and demands that he take me to the Doctor. During the call I'm appreciating the attention by all my teachers and classmates :)! Within a hour or two my dad finally comes to pick me up. About 20minutes later my doctor is giving me a gauze and tape to cover the burn up. This was the end of my traveling date that would continue the next day. April 22nd I'm sent back to my Doctor who stupidly RIPPED the gauze off the burn, which leaves my rolling around in a wheel chair the remainder of the day! This "Doctor" of mine sends me to the Children's ER who stated that I had 2nd and 3rd degree burns. At the end of my ER check up I am prescribed antibiotics and given an extra fancy gauze, then sent home.
 Almost a year and a half later my favorite scar remains to catch people's eyes and will have me telling this story over and over again. So for now its just a messed up tattoo!! ;)

Dancing In The Rain

If I didn't just finish my hair I would be right outside dancing on the drenched streets of North Philly! But once that lightening starts I'm GONE!
 For me dancing in the rain is a way to let go. Of the pain, the heat, the irritation, and the nagging of family members. Its the time to let the rain be your tears, to let the sky and the clouds cry for you! To be able to let your disappointments or your broken dreams go. So that you're no longer ashamed of how you feel or hesitant about getting rid of doubt.
 My favorite song to dance to is High and Low by The Wanted and yes you might cry but who cares. Its okay to wail once in a while your eyes and heart will thank you.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Baking: Fun, Messy, and HOT!

I'm baking a 2 layered cake today just for the hell of it. This cake has both a yellow and chocolate batter mixed together. I made my homemade butter cream icing, that I am going to put in the middle of the cake, yesterday and put it in the frig. Now that my cake is done its tasting time and I'm getting very positive comments on it...Yayyy! Now I am not the best for decorating but that doesn't really matter does it? Nope, its all about the taste!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Medicine For The Soul

I play volleyball, softball, and I swim. I play softball for both my school and a recreational center near my house. I also tackle singing and dance rehearsals on Saturday and Sunday. I'm a Busy-Body that does not like to be bored! While doing all these things I still have time to make people smile and laugh (My Usual). But aside of all that I have to create time for myself to just sit down and smile. Laughter is medicine for the soul, and that's what I'm working at!

Monday, July 23, 2012

The First Definition For Mentalpause

I'm a teenager going through a serious dose of reality, that I call Mentalpause. Some people think that this time in a person's life isn't real but I feel that if Menopause is real why isn't  Mentalpause? Or some would ask what is  Mentalpause, well that's why I am here. Mentalpause is a time in a teens life where they want to take the word, Reality, and make there own definition for it.
 Mentalpause is the reason for the following: 

  • Rolling of the eyes
  • Rebellion
  • Staying up late
  • Waking up late
  • Coming home late
  • Talking a lot of smack 
  • Blocking out everything, anyone older than us, has to say
  • And GROWING UP!!!
But if you're a parent reading don't fear Mentalpause only lasts until your child is 17 or 18. By this time your kid will be ready to go to college and will realize that Mommy and Daddy won't be there anymore to bandage their  "Boo-boos". I believe that this time of a teen's life is a great way to get them ready to move on with their lives, and a quicker way to make your teen more independent. So in that case, parents, your B-Day presents will last for about 5or 6 years. Happy Birthday.
                                                                                              The Creator Of  Mentalpause  

Tried Of Being Tired

I'm tired of trying to be something that I am Not. Of trying to make people realize how mature or civilized I really am. So, I think I'm going to change it up a little. No more trying to be tolerated, no more keeping a "DL" profile. I'm going to be me and be proud of it, and if you don't like I really could care less. I'm not one for using the word "HATIN" so I won't but you'll get my point!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Switching My Subject

I'm trying to get used to the fact that school is coming back up. Time to buy clothes and supplies but there are always strings. To negotiating, getting your dad to believe and get used to me growing up... Matter of a fact, I'm going to take a second to get this off my chest! I think my parents need to let up a little bit. I'm 15, no I am not grown BUT I am growing up and I wish that that would be excepted. I can do, live and buy things on my own, Geeze!!! Okay I feel better now, :) now I can relax., well until I get home at least.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

My Wish

Man I wanna sing or act or dance. I wanna be noticed or known but not in away that I can't control. I wish that my dreams would be spoken good of. I mean a little support will work,  just a little bit. I want a taste of the world without the doubts of me being able to make it. It just seems as if no one takes me or what I want serious. I don't want to have to feel like I have to do it all on my own!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

My Thoughts on The Word "POSITIVE"

P- Partly retarded, mixed with a dash of no one in my family.
O- Overwhelming thoughts on life.
S- Substitutes for actual feelings.
I- Invites to happiness.
T- Tuition for tolerance!
I- Interactions without being slapped.
V- Violence prevention.
E- Equal rights for the HEART, MIND, and EVERYTHING ELSE!!!

Thursday, July 5, 2012


A family that leaves you with your disrespectful, annoying, and CONCEITED older sister is just the worst EVER! My yearly 4th of July argument with her is still lingering in the air while she tries to act like nothing happened. So when she tries to sneak her boyfriend in here it won't come up during a family meeting... Bet you he won't be staying. What's wrong with me she asks, well my answer is:
                                                                            "Everything that comes out of our mouth DARLING."
Then I'll smile and act like what I just say was just hilarious, HA HA HA! No not really. UGH!!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

In A Friendship

Becoming a friend of my friends is extremely simple. Smile, introduce yourself, and make them laugh! You may think this a pitiful way to become someone's friend, but regardless, this is the way to begin a terrific FRIENDSHIP! Need someone to talk to they're there, a shoulder to shed tears they're there, or ya bored they're there! I believe that creating a friendship should be simple, and that's what it is. SIMPLE!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

What Is It?

An issue or a problem? A resolution or answer? A rebellion or disease?
      No Never That How About The Lack Of Tolerating The Crappy Life? Yeah that sounds like it!

What About ME!

Do I have to do everything on my own, because that's how it seems. If try to set a goal or six for my life I should be able to fail or succeed doing so, without worrying about an ungrateful speech from my parents! I mean its my life right? Why do I spend all my time listening to everyone else's problems when I can't even get mine out WITHOUT A COMMENT!!! I guess I'm going to have to reduce some things, or maybe not?

Monday, July 2, 2012

Don't Know If This Is a Good Or Bad Thing

Question is relating to several MTV Shows a good thing or do I need a reality check? Maybe I do or maybe I don't still trying to figure that out! But depending on the shows my sister watches, if I am relating, its a REAL life changer. A more positive one, I'm voting for that!

Introducing Me :(

Will I ever get a chance to tell her to shut-up. I mean dang teens never have a say in school, at home, or anywhere! My reality is becoming more and more OVERWHELMING. You'd think a person my age would never say this but I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL SUMMER CAMP!!!!!